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Counselling Children & Young People

Dr Kirsty Bilski works with young client’s from the age of 10 years and upwards, her PhD studies were particularly focused on adolescence.

PLEASE NOTE The Way Forward Centre is not an emergency service for young people. If you are concerned a young person is at significant risk of harm then you must contact your GP, the out of hours service or A&E. You may also decide to obtain guidance from the NSPCC or encourage the young person to speak in confidence to CHILDLINE who invite young people to talk about whatever is troubling them. You could also contact social services or the police in emergency situations.

Trusting a Counsellor

Entrusting your young person to a counsellor is undoubtedly one of the most difficult processes a parent or carer can go through.

There can be so many unknowns and unanswered questions but hopefully the information provided on this page will be useful in helping reassure you and to begin building a sense of trust.

Kirsty Bilski is a qualified 'Integrative Counsellor' which means she trainied in a number of different theoretical approaches to counselling; therefore, in counselling children and young people she is able to be responsive to each individual adjusting her therapeutic approach accordingly. Through gentle exploration within a non-judgemental, valuing and emphatic relationship, Kirsty empowers her young clients to express their feelings and bring clarity to their experience.

Following professionally qualifying as a counsellor, Kirsty went on to gain additional training in working with this client group and now holds a Masters Degree in Counselling Children and Young People (MA). She was awarded a scholarship to study to Doctorate Level (PhD) with the University of South Wales, Newport . Kirsty therefore academically supports the very careful work she does and aims to be mindful, gentle and ethical in her approach at all times. She was finally awarded her PhD in 2023.

Counselling may offer your young person the opportunity to talk through whatever is going on for them in a private and safe setting. As a parent or carer this may feel strange as you may wish they could talk to you. Kirsty is professionally mindful of encouraging clients to build positive relationships with the significant individuals around them, she will therefore always work towards empowering and building the life skills necessary for the client to develop more open communication within their family.

A counsellor is someone who listens carefully and deeply to your young person’s experience, they will not cast judgement or tell them what to do. A counsellor will empower, teach and invite them to make their own decisions within safe and ethical boundaries. Kirsty will encourage your young person to find a positive way forward and to strive to reach their full potential.

For more information about Kirsty Bilski and her qualifications and experience follow the links below. If you wish to find out more about sessions for young people at The Way Forward Centre then please read on.

Parent Meetings

It may be necessary for parents of carers to book a separate ‘parent meeting’ prior to meeting your young person. This would be an opportunity for you to talk about what has been happening at home and the specific challenges your child has been experiencing. Not all parents require this time but it can be helpful in some circumstances. You may also find it useful to meet Kirsty and to ask questions before you decide whether you agree to your young person attending. This can help to build a sense of trust in the process as you begin to work together with Kirsty.

It is worth remembering that in order for lasting change to occur for your young person, you may need to make some slight adjustments in the family. Kirsty can help you to notice aspects which you may like to think about or subtle changes which may help. Achieving change can require teamwork and it is good to establish this working relationship with Kirsty in the beginning. If you feel an initial parent meeting would be useful make sure you discuss this when arranging a first appointment.

As your young person goes through the therapeutic process it may be helpful to organise further meetings along the way, particularly if it is a long therapeutic process. This can help update Kirsty on how things are going outside of therapy. For Kirsty to share information she would need the consent of the young person. If there is no risk of significant harm to self and the young person does not want their information shared, then Kirsty will be unable to share anything arising from therapy. Maintaining the trust of a young person is a careful and precious process, but when a young person agrees to share something important, followup parent meetings can offer the opportunity for the whole family to heal.

The Counselling Process

Kirsty will help your young person to identify some ‘therapeutic aims’ to work towards which will help give focus to their counselling sessions. It is worth noting that children and young people may have very different aims than those their parents or carers might set for them.

Listening and adhering to their own wishes is the beginning of inviting them to develop appropriate autonomy and recognising they have their own tentative choices they can make. This is particularly important if, as in some cases, aspects of life have seemed out of their control for whatever reason.

Counselling sessions are most often booked on a weekly basis but Kirsty realises that this can be a difficult approach for some and is willing to adjust to fit in with the family as a whole. Kirsty tries very hard to arrange appointments outside of the school day and to avoid activities that your child attends. Saturday appointments are also available which are often a useful choice for this age group.

For those of you who want the theoretical detail Kirsty's approach is largely Humanistic (Person Centered, Gestalt and Existential), with the core conditions of empathy, congruence and unconditional positive regard very much at the foundation of her work. Her training centred around the Proactive Approach for counselling adolescents (Geldard & Geldard 2016) and she often makes use of creative approaches to therapy with young people. Creativity enables young people to express their feelings through the use of resources such as clay, sandtray and art materials. A lot of Kirsty’s creative approach is placed within a Gestalt frame although she also integrates aspects of Psychodynamic Theory, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Systemic Theory, Solution Focused Approches, Motivational and Psychoeducational Techniques.

The Counselling Relationship

Central to Kirsty's approach is building a mutually collaborative counselling relationship which will empower, develop, inspire, encourage, teach and invite new perspectives to develop. By understanding feelings and being aware of choices, your young person may decide to invite change into their life...counselling therefore has the potential to be a journey of discovery...their journey. The trusting relationship they will build with Kirsty is central to the healing process.

Through talking and maybe taking part in some creative activities your young person will explore their experience and may gradually begin to ‘put the pieces together’…like a jigsaw puzzle.

In time they may begin to improve how they feel about themselves, adjust their behaviour or make more positive life choices, find difficult activities more manageable and find it easier to engage at school. They may not be able to verbalise this process or what has changed and why. Young people don’t always posess the vocabulary to explain their feelings, this is why It can be particularly important to use therapeutic methods which do not require explanation but offer creative expression. 

However, Kirsty is aware that creativity is not for everyone and she will be sensitive to your child’s needs...it can be just as powerful to gently and mindfully talk through their unique experiences. Particularly older teenagers often prefer just to talk although it can be surprising to parents and carers just how creative even these older clients can be!

No Guarantees & Choice

There are no guarantees that counselling will work for your young person, however the most important start is that they are choosing to attend for themselves and therefore ‘want’ help. In the first session Kirsty will assess whether your young person is choosing to attend and will give them the choice whether they want to return or not.

This can feel frustrating for a parent or a carer but this process places the responsibility in the hands of the young person and marks the beginning of them taking control of their experience. It is fundamentally important to the therapeutic relationship that they realise they have choices and the right to make them. If they are attending because they ‘have to’ it creates a very different dynamic and may undermine the process. Therefore it is so important your young person makes their own, self-directed choice to access help.

How long will counselling take?

Sometimes clients attend counselling for only a few sessions, sometimes they choose to attend for much longer.

Kirsty will be led by your child or young person’s needs in terms of how long they attend, however it is important to talk this through carefully together. Some presenting difficulties will take much longer than others to address and each individual situation is unique. For instance, a young person struggling with confidence and self esteem may not need to attend therapy for as long a a young person who is significantly self harming and has experienced long term domestic violence and abuse.

Counselling is expensive, some parents decide how many sessions they can afford which places a clear boundary around the process. If you would like to take this approach then discuss it with Kirsty so that manageable therapeutic aims can be highlighted at the beginning.

There is theoretically no limit to the number of sessions a young person can attend although Kirsty is bound by ethical requirements not to continue with therapy for longer than required. If your young person is going to attend in the long term then Kirsty will do a regular review roughly every 6 sessions to check progress and to make sure they are still benefiting from counselling. It is useful to review progress in terms of the original aim, generally ‘an ending’ usually occurs naturally and is mutually discussed as the aims are hopefully gradually achieved. Kirsty uses a specific ‘outcome measure’ (YP Core), which she will explain in the first appointment, this is a measurement of how your young person is feeling week to week and forms a part of the decision as to whether to bring sessions to an end.

It is usual to have ‘an ending’ which is an arranged conclusion to therapy whether after only a couple of sessions or a longer period of time. Ending therapy needs to be carefully planned, it is an opportunity to clarify learning and to celebrate changes. The ending needs to carefully bring about a sense of closure for the young person, the importance of an appropriate ending cannot be underestimated.

Contract & Boundaries

When you meet with Kirsty for the first time she will run through a counselling contract with you and your young person at the same time. If you have already had a parent meeting then you will not need to attend your young person’s first appointment. Kirsty will go through the boundaries of working together and a privacy notice which outlines how their information will be kept safe. This can be done directly with the young person.

The counselling contract will explain the professional boundaries which surround counselling, it will help you to understand what you can expect and for your young person to begin to build trust in Kirsty. For instance, she will talk with you about practical issues such as parking, cost and length of each session as well as asking for information about previous counselling or any specific mental health treatment or diagnosis which may be relevant. All information you give will enable Kirsty to make an assessment of your young persons needs and to decide on an appropriate approach to their challenges.

Also covered in a discussion around the contract will be the cancellation policy. This confirms that you can rearrange any appointments your young person is unable to make, or cancel appointments if they are no longer required. However, Kirsty requires 24 hours notice of any cancellation so the session can be offered to someone else. If you miss an appointment, or cancel without giving notice, you will be charged for the appointment.

Confidentiality & Data Protection

Kirsty will also talk, with you and your young person, about confidentiality and how whatever is disclosed in each session will remain confidential unless there are concerns that they may be at significant risk of harm, or someone they know may be at risk of harm. Parents can find it difficult not knowing what is being talked about in therapy, it is normal to feel this way. However, try to think from the perspective that if Kirsty is not sharing information with you it means there are no indications of significant risk. Try not to ask your young person too many questions, let them decide if they want to talk about their therapy. If you put too much pressure on your young person to share information with you it might undermine their therapy.

Kirsty will explore confidentiality in more depth with you and your young person when you meet so you are clear about the established and lawful limits of confidentiality. She is aware how important this aspect is to young clients and how central this is to building the foundations of a trusting relationship. Your young person has a right to confidentiality which will mean you won’t know what has been said during a session unless a significant risk has been identified.

Kirsty will make sure your young person realises they can speak to whoever they want to about their sessions, the work isn’t a ‘secret’ but it is their choice to do this or not. Kirsty will always aim to encourage clients to build positive communication with their families, however it is most effective when they make the choice for themselves.

Sometimes Kirsty will identify the need for a piece of information to be shared which may not be surrounding a significant risk but it could make a big difference to the young person if their parent or carer knew. In this instance Kirsty will first empower them to say for themselves, if they don’t feel able to do this then Kirsty will seek permission from them to share the information appropriately instead. If the young person does not give consent then the information cannot be shared. Information sharing of this nature must be done with the full consent of the young person.

After all sessions Kirsty writes notes about the work she is doing with each client. These are handwritten notes which are not kept online. They are stored in a locked filing cabinet and secured in line with data protection legislation and GDPR 2018. The Way Forward Centre does not share any information on any healthcare networks and is not linked to any other organisations. The information held by Way Forward about your young person’s therapy will be kept until they are 18 years old, it then has to be kept until they are 25 years old. Your young person will discuss what data will be kept and for how long, as a part of understanding the privacy notice for young people which is discussed in the first session. They will be made aware they can request a copy of their notes at any point up to when they are 25 years old.At this point their notes will be destroyed.

If you feel you would like to know more then please telephone, text or email with your enquiry. Kirsty understands that everyone’s story is unique and she will be more than happy to answer any questions you may have.